UEFA European Football Championship 2012

The Headlines They Were Too Scared To Publish


The Melon Farm

Slow pub crawl


Pub guide

Pub stagger

Heatons Pub Crawls




Semi-finals & final


Semi-final 1

Portugal 0

Spain 0

Spain win 4-2 on penalties

27th June 2012


Another disappointingly goalless game ended in the inevitably 12-yard lottery.  The most striking feature of the shoot-out was that Ronaldo was lined up for the fifth kick, but never got a chance to take it.  Speculation followed as to whether this was a mistake, and this inspired spaceman’s line of…


Portugal can't count on penalties as Spain emerge from barren Iberian wasteland


…also slipping in a pun on Siberian wasteland since there was little in the way of definitive goal action.  Eduardo Bruno Alves had missed the crucial kick at the end before Fabregas scored his in-off the post.  Hence Brunginho’s:


Bru-no go for Portugal as Fab effort spins in


Just shaded by spaceman.


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Semi-final 2

Italy 2 (Balotelli 20’, 36’)

Germany 1 (Ozil (pen) 90’)

28th June 2012


Mario Balotelli came into his own with two goals in the first half and Germany never recovered.  Spaceman saw the chance of a computer game reference:


Super Mario lands Italy place in final as Germany plumb the depths of despair


Brunginho meanwhile went for a voting reference (were there elections going on at this time in Italy or Germany?):


Germany out for the count as Italy win majority of 1 thanks to Balot-box predator


Both are good here (once the original is edited to majority of 1 to be numerically accurate) so both get a point (i.e. it's a draw).


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Spain 4 (Silva 14’, Alba 41’, Torres 84’, Mata 88’)

Italy 0

1st July 2012


The final of this generally entertaining competition turned out to be no contest whatsoever.  Italy showed some resolve but they were ultimately outclassed.  There was a plethora of suggested headlines following this match, starting with spaceman’s food-related effort:


Weary Italians given Spanish tap as pizza history made


Spaceman managed to reference foodstuffs famous in both countries, albeit in a slightly contrived way (research suggested that “giving some tap” is a fairly rare, colloquial phrase).  Brunginho’s first go was:


Spanish fly in final: matadors up for it, Italians limp


Spaceman saw the possibility of using the fact that Silva scored the first goal to engender a werewolf pun:


Spanish fire Silva bullet to nullify Italian weary wolves


Quincy could not resist joining in with the more-or-less-just-factual (which had to be edited from three-star to reflect Mata’s late goal):


Four-star Spain smash Buffon's boys in blue


Brunginho ploughed an already used furrow with:


The reign of Spain continues in Ukraine


Meanwhile spaceman noted that many of these players have played together for a number of years to inspire the following headline, fittingly ending this cringeworthy sequence with more financial wordplay:


Spanish show long bonds key to securing Euros


Spaceman takes the final with a fine display of punnery.


And that was the end of that tournament, wrapping up a quite exhausting sequence of brain wracking.


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Euro 2012 links:

Group - round one

Group - round two

Group - round three


Semi-finals and final


Semi-final 1

Semi-final 2