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Lal Haweli

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"Thought it was very good.  Prawn puri starter really good.  Dhansak had visible lentils in it but was still 'Rusholme' enough to be very nice [answers on a postcard please].  Only downside was no Vimto lollies - mint substitutes just weren't the same!"

"I really enjoyed the food.  Service was a bit slow to start with but once we said that we wanted to order, the food arrived promptly and I didn't notice any problems in getting drinks.  Starter - prawn puri - very good, nice balance of tastes, puri was crisp without being dry.  Main - chicken bhuna (what else!) - again very good.  It was a slightly unusual style though - it had a thick dark (almost black) sauce.  The taste was classic bhuna though [as well he should know!].  Not sure why I don't go there more often - something I'm sure I will rectify [can there be a finer compliment?  Perhaps a different dish next time, maybe...?]."

"Enjoyed the food.  Both the lamb tikka starter and the chicken main course [a traditional classic] were of good quality.  Perhaps the starter could've been a bit larger in size, although I only just managed to finish the whole lot so I guess over the whole meal the portion sizes were bob-on [eyes vs stomach, farahpants, and remember there's always the chance to hoover up whatever Rodge leaves behind].  Beer (Carlsberg) tasted a bit watered down but a good temperature [the Cobra had more bite].  SERVICE WAS VERY SLOW and this was frustrating as I was starving [it's all relative].  However, if I give them the benefit of the doubt (that they weren't being slow simply so we drank more) then perhaps they were just allowing us to socialise!  Also, funny choice of shape for the group table [it was rather like an exclamation mark].  Either a much larger circular table or longer rectangular table would be better.  In conclusion:  not really comparable to Akbar's [is anything in your book?]!  But then again, the price was much lower also.  Cheers for organising [always a pleasure]."

"The food was fine - very tasty but a bit on the greasy side.  My chicken sizzler didn't sizzle [hmm, Ozzy said that his wouldn't stop sizzling]!  The service was very slow - obviously a ploy to get us to drink more [cynic]."

[As always, the review from Brungerio doesn't disappoint] "Rotating thing for poppadums, etc. was entertaining rather than practical (e.g. farahpants gathering spoons), but good craic.  Order vs delivery accuracy was a bit ropey, but I wasn't the victim of korma substitution [sounds sinister], so can't say I minded. Some stolen crockery, which raised a smile [this came from Lal Haweli's sister curry house, if recalled correctly].  The bespoke chairs dallied on the thin, unguarded border between "unique-and-endearing" and "shite", but were sufficiently comfy, I thought [can't remember this being a problem, what with the ridiculous haste and keenness with which they plied us with alcohol].

The starter was a bit minimalist and dry - not tragically so, but no value was added, to be honest.  I'd rather have had something both tastier and more substantial at the end of the day.  Chicken dopiaza (literally "double-onion", spaceman tells me) was delicious and did 'medium' very well [brilliantly moderate?].  At first it seemed a bit minimalist, but that was classic eyes-bigger-than-belly syndrome [see farahpants' comments].  I'd definitely have this again.  The bill took longer than the sun to arrive.  I think there should be a law that says if you have to wait 10 minutes to be relieved of your hard-earned cash, you should be allowed to leave without paying; that'd learn 'em [amen to that].

Things I learned this curry night: 1. All of the phonetic alphabet, apart from M.  2. The first rule of the dinner table - don't talk about Family Guy (or 9-11) [and first rule, sub-clause 1: especially when crespie is around (fortunately he wasn't)].  3. James Q Giles has a little brother.  4. No-one remembers Julian Joachim.  5. I like Lal Haweli.  My rating: 3.75 out of 5."