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Reviewers

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Brungerio ♦ Rodge ♦ Schoey ♦ MrsHenshaw ♦ Vespie ♦ Farahpants ♦ Charls ♦ Saz ♦ Ozzy ♦ Dodders ♦ Quincy ♦ Mayhem ♦ The rest

Name: Brungerio
Star sign: Gemini

Era born: Mid-80s

Likes: Tikka-ised starter.  Curries that are not too aggressive, maybe with a bit of nice spinach, with lamb, beef or chicken.  Anything garlic.  Spacious eateries that can cope with his foolish over-ordering of side dishes.  Side dishes.

Dislikes: Kormas, obviously.  None of your seafood nonsense.  Narrow tables with no room to slump or avoid playing footsie with JNo.  Any menu handed to you with the greeting “choose your weapon”.  Small beers.

Typical quotes: "The bespoke chairs dallied on the thin, unguarded border between ‘unique-and-endearing’ and ‘shite’." (Lal Haweli) ♦ "Probably the Aston Villa of curry houses - safe, but no ambition, and some needless vegetables." (Lights Of India) ♦ "Rubber chicken a positive, as is fire." (Spicy Hut)

Preferred beverage: Large beers.

Places reviewed: Spicy Hut ♦ Lights Of India ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shahenshah ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Karims ♦ Rajdoot ♦ Punjab ♦ Ashoka ♦ Al Nawaz ♦ Khan Ba Ba ♦ Swadesh ♦ Zaika (town) ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shahi Masala ♦ EastzEast (Princess Street) ♦ Zaika (town) (16)

Name: Rodge

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: After the Second World War / Late 1960s

Likes: Chicken bhuna.

Dislikes: Anything that isn't a chicken bhuna.

Typical quotes: "The curry I ordered was a bhuna." (Lal Qila) ♦ "Main - chicken bhuna." (Sangam) ♦ "Curry (chicken bhuna as always) was ok" (Hanaan) ♦ "The taste was classic bhuna." (Lal Haweli) ♦ "My chicken bhuna [was] a little (but not excessively) more spicy than usual." (Zaika) ♦ "Main - chicken bhuna (what else!) - again very good." (Lal Haweli) ♦ "Main - chicken bhuna - very poor." (Spicy Hut) ♦ "Chicken bhuna was average" (Royal Naz)

Preferred beverage: A proper pint of bitter, lad, and make it sharpish.east

Places reviewed: Lal Qila ♦ Royal Naz ♦ Hanaan ♦ Shaandaar ♦ Zaika ♦ Hanaan (again) ♦ Sangam ♦ Spicy Hut ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Al Bilal ♦ Karims ♦ Swadesh ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Zouk (15)

Name: Schoey (aka spacegirl)
Star sign: Cancer

Era born: Definitely 1970s

Likes: Sizzlers.  Prawn curries.  Naan bread.  Town centre curry houses (especially Akbar's).

Dislikes: Rice.  Super spicy curries.  Generic Rusholme curry houses.  Garlic naans that are like garlic bread.

Typical quotes: "I then had a fish and potato curry (can't remember the exact type).  This was amazing - possibly the best curry I have ever had." (Akbar's) ♦ "I am more of an Akbar's / Shimla Pinks kind of girl." (Spicy Hut) ♦ "My sizzler thing was yummy.  And they had Grolsch on tap!  That was the best bit..." (Al Bilal)

Preferred beverage: Pint of lager.

Places reviewed: Lal Qila ♦ Royal Naz ♦ Shezan ♦ Hanaan ♦ Al Bilal ♦ Zaika ♦ King Cobra ♦ Hanaan (again) ♦ Sangam ♦ Akbar's ♦ Spicy Hut ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Karims ♦ Mughli ♦ Ashoka ♦ Khan Ba Ba ♦ Zaika (town) (17)

Name: MrsHenshaw

Star sign: Sagittarius

Era born: Late-1970s

Likes: Curries (especially sizzlers).  Attending curry nights (an exemplary attendance record).

Dislikes: Dirty women's toilets.  Dry naan bread.  Getting hammered on a school night.

Typical quotes: "Good point: The Naz's Wonderful blah blah blah Chicken Dhansak was delicious (and had the longest curry name in the world).  Bad point: The women's toilets." (Royal Naz) ♦ "The giant naans added novelty value, but were a bit on the dry side." (Akbar's)

Preferred beverage: Maybe a small alcoholic drink then stick to coke.

Places reviewed: Al Bilal ♦ Royal Naz ♦ Sangam ♦ Akbar's ♦ Spicy Hut ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Shaandaar ♦ Lights Of India ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shahenshah ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Mughli ♦ Rajdoot ♦ Punjab ♦ Zaika (town) ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shahi Masala ♦ EastzEast (Princess Street) ♦ Zouk (17)

Name: Vespie
Star sign: Gemini

Era born: Mid-70s

Likes: The Scottish burr.  Free shots.  Getting out of the house.

Dislikes: Old/dirty vaginas.  Poor service.  Lack of baby changing facilities.  Waiters shouting out orders when the food is ready.

Typical quotes: "I mean, how hard can it be to just draw a little map of the table and jot down the orders as they are given, it's not that hard, I did it all the time when I was working in the industry, and it certainly makes for a more pleasant dining experience for everyone." (Lights Of India) ♦ "What I meant to say was 'dirty vagina', as I really have never smelt an 'old vagina'." (Lights Of India)

Preferred beverage: Lager (alcohol-free if the situation dictates).

Places reviewed: Lights Of India (1)

Name: Farahpants
Star sign: Aries

Era born: Early 1980s

Likes: Curries.  Large portions.  Akbar's.

Dislikes: Small portions.

Typical quotes: "Portion size of curry was excellent and the starters weren't so filling." (Akbar's) ♦ "Perhaps the starter could've been a bit larger in size, although I only just managed to finish the whole lot so I guess over the whole meal the portion sizes were bob-on." (Lal Haweli)

Preferred beverage: Lager.

Places reviewed: Sangam ♦ Akbar's ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Karims ♦ Ashoka (7)

Name: Charls

Star sign: Virgo

Era born: Mid-80s

Likes: Beer.  Quick service.

Dislikes: People stealing her beer.  Smokers.

Typical quotes: "It was really nice but they forgot to bring me my pint.  I think I had to ask for it 3 times (!).  Shocking..." (Sangam) ♦ "The food was nice but somebody stole my beer AGAIN." (Shimla Pinks) ♦ "Hating the guy smoking on the table next to us, bring on the smoking ban!!" (Shaandaar)
 

Preferred beverage: Pint of lager.

Places reviewed: Sangam ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Shaandaar (3)

Name: Saz

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: Late-70s

Likes: Sizzlers.  Cider on draught.  Chicken dhansak.

Dislikes: A lack of cider.  Overly spicy curries.

Typical quotes: "Pints of cider (a rarity in Rusholme) and great sizzling dishes." (Al Bilal) ♦ "They did do cider on draught, though, which is always a plus." (Hanaan)

Preferred beverage: Pint of cider.

Places reviewed: Hanaan ♦ Al Bilal ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Shimla Pinks (4)

Name: Ozzy

Star sign: Aquarius

Era born: Mid-80s

Likes: Efficient service.  Good décor.

Dislikes: Practical jokes involving rubber chicken.  Stingy portion sizes.

Typical quotes: "The joke where the rubber chicken is served up belongs back in the 70s, and is best forgotten." (Spicy Hut) ♦ "We struggled on tiny rice portions, and it seems that Shimla are in the business of profit-squeezing." (Shimla Pinks)

Preferred beverage: Cobra.  Pedigree.

Places reviewed: Spicy Hut ♦ Shimla Pinks ♦ Shahenshah ♦ Mughli ♦ Lal Qila (town) ♦ Shahi Masala ♦ Zouk (7)

Name: Dodders

Star sign: Not known

Era born: Mid-80s

Likes: Good service.  Sweets.  Value for money.

Dislikes: Alcohol.  Pushy waiters.  Sauceless curries.

Typical quotes: "I also enjoyed the abundance of sweets and vimto lollies and free alcohol (for others of course)." (Mughli) ♦ "Service was a slow - I'm sure this was something to do with the huge party sitting behind us.  It was also a bit pushy - how many times do I have to say no to a starter?" (EastzEast) ♦ "The lack of alcohol and hence small bill were particularly appealing." (Karims)

Preferred beverage: Diet coke.

Places reviewed: Shimla Pinks ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Al Bilal ♦ Karims ♦ Mughli (5)

Name: Quincy

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: Mid-80s

Likes: Being a proper reviewer.  No chillies.  Rusholme curry houses with their neon signs, dubious décor and laminated menus.  Huge naans on sticks.  Omelettes.

Dislikes: Too much ginger.  More than no chillies.  Subjecting people to the uncontrollable reaction of his digestive system to anything remotely spicy.  Anything remotely spicy.

Typical quotes: "For a main course I had chicken ginger as a result of my dawning realisation that anything more than no chillies on the ubiquitous chilli scale is now too many chillies." (Al Nawaz) ♦ "The menu claimed it contained seven different types of lentils, but spaceman has already told me that the joke "but I could only taste six" is both predictable and crap, so I'll steer clear." (Shahenshah) ♦ "Finito, kaput, all over, I retire from curry nights.  This isn't fair on anyone I work with, live with or stand near on the train." (Shahi Masala)

Preferred beverage: Cobra.

Places reviewed: Shimla Pinks ♦ Shahenshah ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Karims ♦ Ashoka ♦ Al Nawaz ♦ Khan Ba Ba ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ Lal Qila (town) ♦ Shahi Masala ♦ Zaika (town) (11)

Name: Mayhem

Star sign: Taurus

Era born: Early-to-mid-80s

Likes: The spiciest thing on the menu.  Strong lager.  Free ice cream.  Poetry.

Dislikes: Tame curries.  Non-alcoholic Cobra.  Melting eyeballs.  Cheap naans.

Typical quotes: "A man in the kitchen was "pretending" to roll some bread dough, while the "work experience guy" was cutting open "Tesco Value" bags of naan, and heating them in a microwave before spraying them with plastic and sprinkling on sesame seeds" ♦ Karims ♦ "The drinks kept flowing, the chatter had quietened...  All through the night, our belts slowly tightened...  The curry enjoyed...  By all those employed...  Though mine left me feeling quite frightened..." ♦ Lal Haweli

Preferred beverage: Lager.

Places reviewed: Mayhem:  Karims ♦ Swadesh ♦ Lal Haweli ♦ EastzEast (Princess Street) (4)

Other alumni or less frequent reviewers are listed below.

Henters (aka Garth):  Lights Of India (1)

Theboybarlow:  Shimla Pinks (1)

Cmac:  Hanaan (1)

Stepho:  Royal Naz ♦ Shezan ♦ Zaika ♦ King Cobra (4)

DaveyP:  King Cobra (1)

Barney:  Al Bilal (1)

Johno:  Lal Qila ♦ Al Bilal (2)

Farny:  Shaandaar (1)

Baden:  Hanaan ♦ Al Bilal (2)

Barrow:  Shaandaar (1)

Windy:  EastzEast (1)

Garibaldi (aka Biscuitboy):  EastzEast ♦ Rajdoot ♦ Swadesh ♦ Shahi Masala ♦ Zouk (5)

Marcie:  Punjab (1)

TheDominator:  Punjab (1)

V-Ro:  Ashoka (1)

Saj:  Lal Haweli (1)

Scarlet:  Lal Qila (town) (1)

Batfink:  Lal Qila (town) ♦ Zaika (town) (2)

RC:  Shahi Masala (1)

Litmus:  EastzEast (Princess Street) ♦ Zaika (town) (2)

MrsGiles:  Swadesh

JT:  Zaika (town)