CurryHouseReview

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Brungerio Rodge Schoey MrsHenshaw Vespie Farahpants Charls Saz OzzyDodders Quincy Mayhem Garibaldi Litmus The rest

 

  

 

 

Name: Brungerio
Star sign:
Gemini

Era born: Mid-80s

Reviewing status: Returned to contribute after extended overseas hiatus; now free to extend review lead

 

Likes: Tikka-ised starter.  Curries that are not too aggressive, maybe with a bit of nice spinach, with lamb, beef or chicken.  Anything garlic.  Spacious eateries that can cope with his foolish over-ordering of side dishes.  Side dishes.

 

Dislikes: Kormas, obviously.  None of your seafood nonsense.  Narrow tables with no room to slump or avoid playing footsie with JNo.  Any menu handed to you with the greeting “choose your weapon”.  Small beers.

 

Typical quotes: "The bespoke chairs dallied on the thin, unguarded border between ‘unique-and-endearing’ and ‘shite’." (Lal Haweli) "Probably the Aston Villa of curry houses - safe, but no ambition, and some needless vegetables." (Lights Of India) "Rubber chicken a positive, as is fire." (Spicy Hut)

 

Preferred beverage: Large beers.

 

Places reviewed: Spicy Hut Lights Of India Lal Haweli Shahenshah EastzEast (Blackfriars) Karims Rajdoot Punjab Ashoka Al Nawaz Khan Ba Ba Swadesh Zaika (town) ♦ Lal Haweli Shahi Masala EastzEast (Princess Street) Zaika (town) ♦ EastzEast (Blackfriars) AshokaAkbar's Ziya (not quite) ♦ Scene Asha's Spicy Mint Indian Tiffin Room (town) Swadesh (24)

 

  

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Name: Rodge

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: After the Second World War / Late 1960s

Reviewing status: Semi-retired

 

Likes: Chicken bhuna.

 

Dislikes: Anything that isn't a chicken bhuna.

 

Typical quotes: "The curry I ordered was a bhuna." (Lal Qila) "Main - chicken bhuna." (Sangam) ♦ "Curry (chicken bhuna as always) was ok" (Hanaan) ♦ "The taste was classic bhuna." (Lal Haweli) ♦ "My chicken bhuna [was] a little (but not excessively) more spicy than usual." (Zaika) ♦ "Main - chicken bhuna (what else!) - again very good." (Lal Haweli) ♦ "Main - chicken bhuna - very poor." (Spicy Hut) ♦ "Chicken bhuna was average" (Royal Naz)

 

Preferred beverage: A proper pint of bitter, lad, and make it sharpish.

 

Places reviewed: Lal Qila Royal Naz HanaanShaandaarZaika Hanaan (again) ♦ SangamSpicy Hut Lal Haweli Shimla Pinks Al Bilal Karims Swadesh Lal Haweli Zouk (15)

 

  

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Name: Schoey (aka spacegirl)
Star sign:
Cancer

Era born: 1970s - fact

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Sizzlers.  Prawn curries.  Naan bread.  Town centre curry houses (especially Akbar's).

 

Dislikes: Rice.  Super spicy curries.  Generic Rusholme curry houses.  Garlic naans that are like garlic bread.

 

Typical quotes: "I then had a fish and potato curry (can't remember the exact type).  This was amazing - possibly the best curry I have ever had." (Akbar's)  "I am more of an Akbar's / Shimla Pinks kind of girl." (Spicy Hut) "My sizzler thing was yummy.  And they had Grolsch on tap!  That was the best bit..." (Al Bilal)

 

Preferred beverage: Pint of lager.

 

Places reviewed: Lal Qila Royal NazShezan HanaanAl BilalZaikaKing Cobra Hanaan (again) ♦ SangamAkbar'sSpicy HutShimla Pinks Karims Mughli Ashoka Khan Ba Ba Zaika (town) (17)

 

  

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Name: MrsHenshaw

Star sign: Sagittarius

Era born: Late-1970s

Reviewing status: Semi-retired

 

Likes: Curries (especially sizzlers).  Attending curry nights (an exemplary attendance record).

 

Dislikes: Dirty women's toilets.  Dry naan bread.  Getting hammered on a school night.

 

Typical quotes: "Good point: The Naz's Wonderful blah blah blah Chicken Dhansak was delicious (and had the longest curry name in the world).  Bad point: The women's toilets." (Royal Naz) ♦ "The giant naans added novelty value, but were a bit on the dry side." (Akbar's)

 

Preferred beverage: Maybe a small alcoholic drink then stick to coke.

 

Places reviewed: Al BilalRoyal NazSangamAkbar'sSpicy HutShimla PinksShaandaarLights Of India Lal Haweli Shahenshah EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Mughli Rajdoot Punjab Zaika (town) ♦ Lal Haweli Shahi Masala EastzEast (Princess Street) Zouk EastzEast (Blackfriars) (18)

 

  

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Name: Vespie
Star sign:
Gemini

Era born: Mid-70s

Reviewing status: One-off contributor

 

Likes: The Scottish burr.  Free shots.  Getting out of the house.

 

Dislikes: Old/dirty vaginas.  Poor service.  Lack of baby changing facilities.  Waiters shouting out orders when the food is ready.

 

Typical quotes: "I mean, how hard can it be to just draw a little map of the table and jot down the orders as they are given, it's not that hard, I did it all the time when I was working in the industry, and it certainly makes for a more pleasant dining experience for everyone." (Lights Of India) "What I meant to say was 'dirty vagina', as I really have never smelt an 'old vagina'." (Lights Of India)

 

Preferred beverage: Lager (alcohol-free if the situation dictates).

 

Places reviewed: Lights Of India (1)

 

  

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Name: Farahpants
Star sign:
Aries

Era born: Early 1980s

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Curries.  Large portions.  Akbar's.

 

Dislikes: Small portions.

 

Typical quotes: "Portion size of curry was excellent and the starters weren't so filling." (Akbar's) "Perhaps the starter could've been a bit larger in size, although I only just managed to finish the whole lot so I guess over the whole meal the portion sizes were bob-on." (Lal Haweli)

 

Preferred beverage: Lager.

 

Places reviewed: SangamAkbar'sShimla Pinks Lal Haweli EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Karims Ashoka (7)

 

  

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Name: Charls

Star sign: Virgo

Era born: Mid-80s

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Beer.  Quick service.

 

Dislikes: People stealing her beer.  Smokers.

 

Typical quotes: "It was really nice but they forgot to bring me my pint.  I think I had to ask for it 3 times (!).  Shocking..." (Sangam "The food was nice but somebody stole my beer AGAIN." (Shimla Pinks) "Hating the guy smoking on the table next to us, bring on the smoking ban!!" (Shaandaar)
 

Preferred beverage: Pint of lager.

 

Places reviewed: SangamShimla PinksShaandaar (3)

 

  

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Name: Saz

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: Late-70s

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Sizzlers.  Cider on draught.  Chicken dhansak.

 

Dislikes: A lack of cider.  Overly spicy curries.

 

Typical quotes: "Pints of cider (a rarity in Rusholme) and great sizzling dishes." (Al Bilal) ♦ "They did do cider on draught, though, which is always a plus." (Hanaan)

 

Preferred beverage: Pint of cider.

 

Places reviewed: HanaanAl Bilal Lal Haweli Shimla Pinks (4)

 

  

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Name: Ozzy

Star sign: Aquarius

Era born: Mid-80s

Reviewing status: Regular (if sometimes blackmailed) contributor

 

Likes: Efficient service.  Good décor.

 

Dislikes: Practical jokes involving rubber chicken.  Stingy portion sizes.

 

Typical quotes: "The joke where the rubber chicken is served up belongs back in the 70s, and is best forgotten." (Spicy Hut "We struggled on tiny rice portions, and it seems that Shimla are in the business of profit-squeezing." (Shimla Pinks)

 

Preferred beverage: Cobra.  Pedigree.

 

Places reviewed: Spicy Hut Shimla Pinks Shahenshah Mughli Lal Qila (town) Shahi Masala Zouk Akbar's Zouk Ziya Asha's Mowgli Street Food Swadesh (13)

 

  

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Name: Dodders

Star sign: Not known

Era born: Mid-80s

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Good service.  Sweets.  Value for money.

 

Dislikes: Alcohol.  Pushy waiters.  Sauceless curries.

 

Typical quotes: "I also enjoyed the abundance of sweets and vimto lollies and free alcohol (for others of course)." (Mughli)  "Service was slow - I'm sure this was something to do with the huge party sitting behind us.  It was also a bit pushy - how many times do I have to say no to a starter?" (EastzEast) "The lack of alcohol and hence small bill were particularly appealing." (Karims)

 

Preferred beverage: Diet coke.

 

Places reviewed: Shimla Pinks EastzEast (Blackfriars) Al Bilal Karims  Mughli (5)

 

  

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Name: Quincy

Star sign: Scorpio

Era born: Mid-80s

Reviewing status: Raw-bottomed contributor

 

Likes: Being a proper reviewer.  No chillies.  Rusholme curry houses with their neon signs, dubious décor and laminated menus.  Huge naans on sticks.  Omelettes.

 

Dislikes: Too much ginger.  More than no chillies.  Subjecting people to the uncontrollable reaction of his digestive system to anything remotely spicy.  Anything remotely spicy.

 

Typical quotes: "For a main course I had chicken ginger as a result of my dawning realisation that anything more than no chillies on the ubiquitous chilli scale is now too many chillies." (Al Nawaz) "The menu claimed it contained seven different types of lentils, but spaceman has already told me that the joke "but I could only taste six" is both predictable and crap, so I'll steer clear." (Shahenshah) "Finito, kaput, all over, I retire from curry nights.  This isn't fair on anyone I work with, live with or stand near on the train." (Shahi Masala)

 

Preferred beverage: Cobra.

 

Places reviewed: Shimla Pinks Shahenshah EastzEast (Blackfriars) Karims Ashoka Al Nawaz Khan Ba Ba Lal Haweli Lal Qila (town) Shahi Masala Zaika (town) ♦ Rajdoot Spice Lounge Scene (14)

 

  

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Name: Mayhem

Star sign: Taurus

Era born: Early-to-mid-80s

Reviewing status: Back in the (Bombay) mix

 

Likes: The spiciest thing on the menu.  Strong lager.  Free ice cream.  Poetry.

 

Dislikes: Tame curries.  Non-alcoholic Cobra.  Melting eyeballs.  Cheap naans.

 

Typical quotes: "A man in the kitchen was "pretending" to roll some bread dough, while the "work experience guy" was cutting open "Tesco Value" bags of naan, and heating them in a microwave before spraying them with plastic and sprinkling on sesame seeds" Karims ♦ "The drinks kept flowing, the chatter had quietened...  All through the night, our belts slowly tightened...  The curry enjoyed...  By all those employed...  Though mine left me feeling quite frightened..." Lal Haweli

 

Preferred beverage: Lager.

 

Places reviewed: Karims Swadesh Lal Haweli EastzEast (Princess Street) ♦ Al Bilal Ziya Scene (7)

 

  

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Name: Garibaldi

Star sign: Sagittarius

Era born: Mid-to-late 70s

Reviewing status: Retired

 

Likes: Curries.  Tracking the time taken to bring out each course.  Biscuits.  Nice things.  Non-alcoholic drinks (these days).

 

Dislikes: Beer (these days).  Insufficient poppadom numbers.  Late arrival of food.  Second guessing dishes based on number orders.

 

Typical quotes: "The meal was concluded beautifully with a hot lemony towel and alas, as full as one of Jordan's bras - and just as happy - we climbed back up the winding stairs, said goodbye to the Cobra bar and the shaman said good night. How right the wise man was." (EastzEast - Princess Street) "I had a coffee, which was really nice, was quite large and served with a biscuit too!" (Shahi Masala) "All-in-all - nice place, nice people, nice food, nice atmosphere and reasonably-priced - I would definitely go back there again." (Rajdoot)

 

Preferred beverage: Coke (these days).

 

Places reviewed: EastzEast (Blackfriars) ♦ Rajdoot Swadesh Shahi Masala Zouk EastzEast (Blackfriars) (6)

 

  

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Name: Litmus

Star sign: Aries

Era born: Late-80s

Reviewing status: Regular contributor until year-long secondment to the Big Smoke

 

Likes: Kormas.  Spacious dining facilities.  Socialising before and after the meal.

 

Dislikes: Spicy curries.  Ridicule for ordering kormas.  Cramped locations.

 

Typical quotes: "I thought the place itself was a bit cramped for such a big party" (EastzEast - Princess Street) "My selection of food (tomato soup and korma) came under intense scrutiny." (Zaika - town) "I shall not go into too much detail on my Korma as I fear it will fall on deaf ears." (Zouk)

 

Preferred beverage: Lager.

 

Places reviewed: EastzEast (Princess Street) Zaika (town) Mughli Rajdoot Zouk (5)

 

  

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The rest

 

Other alumni or less frequent reviewers are listed below:

 

Henters (aka Garth): Lights Of India Spicy Mint (2)

Theboybarlow: Shimla Pinks (1)

Cmac: Hanaan (1)

Stepho: Royal Naz ShezanZaikaKing Cobra Rajdoot (5)

DaveyP: King Cobra (1)

Barney: Al Bilal (1)

Johno: Lal Qila Al Bilal (2)

Farny: Shaandaar (1)

Baden: HanaanAl Bilal (2)

Barrow(Girl): Shaandaar (1)

Windy: EastzEast (Blackfriars) (1)

Marcie: Punjab (1)

TheDominator: Akbar's Punjab (2)

V-Ro: Ashoka Bollywood Masala Rajdoot Al Bilal Khan Ba Ba Scene (6)

Saj: Lal Haweli (1)

Scarlet: Lal Qila (town) Bollywood Masala Al Bilal Ziya (4)

Batfink: Lal Qila (town) Zaika (town) (2)

RC: Shahi Masala (1)

KGTips: Swadesh Bollywood Masala Rajdoot Ashoka (4)

JT (aka Townie): Zaika (town) (1)

Emmy: EastzEast (Blackfriars) (1)

Athers: EastzEast (Blackfriars) (1)

Chicken: Bollywood Masala (1)

Orangefence: Rajdoot (1)

Chewie: Ashoka Spice Lounge Asha's (3)

Cartman: AshokaAl Bilal Spice Lounge Ziya (4)

LeCross: Ashoka Lal Qila (town) ♦ Scene Indian Tiffin Room (town) (3)

Stinger: Spice Lounge Ziya (2)

BMJ: Spice Lounge Scene (2)

SonOfJacob: Spice Lounge Ziya Scene Asha's (4)

Likesa: Ziya Khan Ba Ba Scene Mowgli Street Food (4)

BradBradley: Khan Ba Ba Scene Mowgli Street Food Indian Tiffin Room (town) (4)

Goose: Scene (1)

CurryCaz: Scene Swadesh (2)

BarboraCatland: Scene (1)

CraveBacon: Scene EastzEast (Blackfriars) (2)

RoLo: Scene (1)

RikEating: Asha's Swadesh (2)

Saq: Asha's (1)

Ali G aka AGodlyMan: Asha's Mowgli Street Food Spicy Mint Swadesh (4)

KVG: Asha's (1)

Slither: Indian Tiffin Room (town) (1)

Chuck: EastzEast (Blackfriars) (1)

TheHood: Swadesh (1)